here, some pics: 1 from up in the hills, karate near the compost piles, and a couple from the goat roast party....

Nate- Feb 26 1957-June 16 2005
today i was in AH church- once we settled into the pew i remembered that that minister will be making a sermon, and i looked to my father next to me and said- 'uh oh dad i think we made a big mistake !'- he, not-knowing my thinking, agreed with a nod and said 'maybe'- but to my great surprise the whole experience was fantastic. the 1st hymn we sang was Bethoven- joyful joyful we adore thee- I thought of Nate =how Nate loved classics alongside loving alt-punk and so forth that people more expected of him- the unexpectedness of Nate- as we were singing that hymn- all about joy and thankfulness of god and the triumphant song of life- I was thinking this is the perfect hymn to have sung at Nate's funeral- then i was thinking how can i say that - it's all about joy joy joy-not at all a comfort recognition of the tragedy or fleetingness hymn for a time when we've just lost the one we adore- yet I kept thinking no! this song is perfect - it's not at all a funeral song but Nate was all about that joy - I sometimes leaned on Nate to carry that vision of joy and triumphance for me. I thought at his funeral we could all be singing that song because now it was up to us to carry it for each other- you know I said some 'whatever' things at Nate's funeral- it's only after this much time that I think i've come to the point where i could make a speech that would be a proper tribute to Nate. I was reading and rereading that hymn all through church trying to understand how i could think it was an appropriate funeral hymnn- i kept thinking no! impossible! it's of no comfort- and yet the words kept bringing up Nate for me.
Meanwhile, lately i have come to the conclusion that i don't believe in grief.

back in the u.s. so i'm uploading some photos! thinking i'll go back to the past posts and add pics= above is myself with Sommy,one of the agriculture trainers; friend, Solomon; a massai woman; outside a bar near the border of malawi; and friends Elly and Fay inside a bar in Arusha

ah ha- i am in the airport in Dubai, en route home from Tanzania- i was just in Zanzibar- I was reading Scibbling the Cat- in that book the writer says you shouldn't just be able to fly from africa and step off the plane the next day in the us- it's too many worlds apart for that. No problem for me- I started from Zanzibar on an all night ferry to Dar es Salaam- in the middle of the night we were gripping our mattresses to hold ourselves down in the rough seas - I with my eyes squeezed tightly shut to fend off threatening sea-sickness- on the lower decks people were getting sick all over the place- especially children- then we arrive at 6 am in Dar and run to catch a 6-30 am bus to Arusha- that should be an 8 hour ride but instead due to breakdowns is a 12 hour ride. next afternoon, a bus to nairobi (5 hours) and now the 1st of a 3 leg flight from Nairobi through Dubai, Hamberg, then JFK- when I arrive JFK i will have felt like I've traveled from someplace afar. I am worrying a bit about thrombosis- isn't that where you get deadly clots due to sitting for two many hours on end too many days in a row? So here in Dubai i have been walking up and down the corridors- with my heavy labtop in my backpack. there is an amazing looking $24 middle eastern buffet in a lounge full of sheiks and so forth- I had just decided to splurge and go for it but they don't take credit cards so instead i found a place on the floor in the hall to sit and use the free internet connection.